Jan 25 2008

Being far away from family helping you avoid serious problems?

Geographic solutions…it seems like a good idea, but moving to avoid serious family problems does not work that well…

Have you moved to Chicago to get away from some difficult family problem?

Maybe your parents had a messy divorce or there is constant fighting or tension among your siblings.

Your father or some other family member drinks too much.

These are all common reasons why adult children move away from their families. It is called a geographic solution and it is not the greatest idea.

One task for newly married couples is to create a sense of their own relationship and family.

Often it becomes necessary to set limits or establish rules related to families of origin.

Once married, such questions as where do we live, how often do extended family visit and how long do other relatives stay during visits?

Is it ok for others to suggest ways you should parent children or even relate to each other?

These are all questions that should be explored to make sure the proper boundaries for your family and relationships are established. This takes time, focus, and follow-through to complete these tasks effectively. Moving away is not the answer.

I have often heard, “I moved away so I wouldn’t have to deal with my crazy family…but I seem to worry more here, because I don’t know what is really going on back there…”
It is always more complicated than it seems.

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