Counseling in Chicago with Bill Martin, LCSW

If you are interested in thinking about the strengths and vulnerabilities of your relationship, here is a survey for you to explore.

1.  Staying emotionally connected ___, or becoming emotionally distant___

Check all items below:

• Just simply talking to one another.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• Staying emotionally in touch with each other.  Not a problem___  A problem___

• Feeling taken for granted?Not a problem___ A problem___

• Don’t feel like my partner knows me very well right now. Not a problem___A problem___

• Partner is (or I am) emotionally disengaged.  Not a problem___  A problem___

• Spending time together. Not a problem___  A problem___

2. Handling  job and other stresses effectively____, or experiencing the “spill over” of non-relationship issues

Check all items below:

• Helping each other reduce daily stresses  Not a problem___  A problem___

•     Talking about these stresses together  Not a problem___  A problem___

• Talking together about stress in a helpful manner  Not a problem___  A problem___

• Partner listening with understanding about my stresses and worries  Not a problem___  A problem___

• Partner takes job or other stresses out on me  Not a problem___  A problem___

• Partner takes job stresses out on the children or others in our life  Not a problem___  A problem___

 

3.  Handling issues or disagreements well ___, or gridlocking on one or more issues____

Check all items below:

• Differences  have arisen between us that seem very basic Not a problem___  A problem___

• These differences seem unresolvable  Not a problem___  A problem___

• We are living day to day with hurts  Not a problem___  A problem___

• Our positions are getting entrenched  Not a problem___ A problem___

• It looks like I will never get what I hoped for  Not a problem___  A problem___

• I am very worried that these issues may damage our relationship  Not a problem___  A problem___

_

4. The marriage is romantic and passionate___, or the it is becoming passionless; the fire has gone out____

Check all the items below:

• My partner has stopped being verbally affectionate.  Not a problem___  A problem___

• My partner expresses love and admiration less frequently.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• We rarely touch each other.  Not a problem___  A problem___

• My partner (or I) have stoped feeling very romantic. Not a problem___ A problem___

• We rarely cuddle.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• We have few tender or passionate moments.  Not a problem___ A problem___

5. Our sex life is fine_____, or there are problems in this area____

Check all the items below:

• The frequency of sex.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• The satisfaction I or my partner get from sex.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• Being able to talk about sexual problems.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• The two of us wanting different things sexually.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• Problems of desire.  Not a problem___ A problem___

• The amount of love in our lovemaking.  Not a problem___ A problem___

6. An important event (like the birth of a child, job loss, changes in job, or residence, an illness, the death of a loved one) has occurred in our lives_____. The relationship is dealing with this well____, or it is not___.

Check all items below:

• We have very different points of view on how to handle things.

• This event has led my partner to be very distant.

• This event has made us both irritable.

• This event has led to a lot of fighting.

• I’m worried about how this will turn out.

• We are now taking up very different positions.

 

7. Major issues about children have arisen (this could be about whether or not to have a child).____ The relationship is handling these well_____, or it is not_____.

Check all items below:

• We have very different points of view on goals for the children.

• We have different positions on what to discipline the children for.

• We have different positions on how to discipline the children.

• We have issues about how to be close to our children.

• We are not talking about these issues very well.

• There is a lot of tension or anger about these issues.

 

 

8. Major issues or events have arisen about in-laws, a relative, or relatives._____The relationship is handling these well_____, or it is not_____.

Check all items below:

• I feel unaccepted by my partner’s family.

• I sometimes wonder which family my partner is in.

• I feel unaccepted by my own family.

• There is tension between us and what might happen.

• This issue has generated a lot of irritability.

• I am worried about how this is going to turn out.

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