May 18 2017
John Gottman Relationship Scales: Evaluate Your Relationship Here
If you are interested in thinking about the strengths and vulnerabilities of your relationship, here is a survey for you to explore.
1. Staying emotionally connected ___, or becoming emotionally distant___
Check all items below:
- Just simply talking to one another. Not a problem___ A problem___
- Staying emotionally in touch with each other. Not a problem___ A problem___
- Feeling taken for granted?Not a problem___ A problem___
- Don’t feel like my partner knows me very well right now. Not a problem___A problem___
- Partner is (or I am) emotionally disengaged. Not a problem___ A problem___
- Spending time together. Not a problem___ A problem___
2. Handling job and other stresses effectively____, or experiencing the “spill over†of non-relationship issues
Check all items below:
- Helping each other reduce daily stresses Not a problem___ A problem___
- Â Â Â Talking about these stresses together Not a problem___ A problem___
- Talking together about stress in a helpful manner Not a problem___ A problem___
- Partner listening with understanding about my stresses and worries Not a problem___ A problem___
- Partner takes job or other stresses out on me Not a problem___ A problem___
- Partner takes job stresses out on the children or others in our life Not a problem___ A problem___
3. Handling issues or disagreements well ___, or gridlocking on one or more issues____
Check all items below:
- Differences have arisen between us that seem very basic Not a problem___ A problem___
- These differences seem unresolvable Not a problem___ A problem___
- We are living day to day with hurts Not a problem___ A problem___
- Our positions are getting entrenched Not a problem___ A problem___
- It looks like I will never get what I hoped for Not a problem___ A problem___
- I am very worried that these issues may damage our relationship Not a problem___ A problem___
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4. The marriage is romantic and passionate___, or the it is becoming passionless; the fire has gone out____
Check all the items below:
- My partner has stopped being verbally affectionate. Not a problem___ A problem___
- My partner expresses love and admiration less frequently. Not a problem___ A problem___
- We rarely touch each other. Not a problem___ A problem___
- My partner (or I) have stoped feeling very romantic. Not a problem___ A problem___
- We rarely cuddle. Not a problem___ A problem___
- We have few tender or passionate moments. Not a problem___ A problem___
5. Our sex life is fine_____, or there are problems in this area____
Check all the items below:
- The frequency of sex. Not a problem___ A problem___
- The satisfaction I or my partner get from sex. Not a problem___ A problem___
- Being able to talk about sexual problems. Not a problem___ A problem___
- The two of us wanting different things sexually. Not a problem___ A problem___
- Problems of desire. Not a problem___ A problem___
- The amount of love in our lovemaking. Not a problem___ A problem___
6. An important event (like the birth of a child, job loss, changes in job, or residence, an illness, the death of a loved one) has occurred in our lives_____. The relationship is dealing with this well____, or it is not___.
Check all items below:
- We have very different points of view on how to handle things.
- This event has led my partner to be very distant.
- This event has made us both irritable.
- This event has led to a lot of fighting.
- I’m worried about how this will turn out.
- We are now taking up very different positions.
7. Major issues about children have arisen (this could be about whether or not to have a child).____ The relationship is handling these well_____, or it is not_____.
Check all items below:
- We have very different points of view on goals for the children.
- We have different positions on what to discipline the children for.
- We have different positions on how to discipline the children.
- We have issues about how to be close to our children.
- We are not talking about these issues very well.
- There is a lot of tension or anger about these issues.
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8. Major issues or events have arisen about in-laws, a relative, or relatives._____The relationship is handling these well_____, or it is not_____.
Check all items below:
- I feel unaccepted by my partner’s family.
- I sometimes wonder which family my partner is in.
- I feel unaccepted by my own family.
- There is tension between us and what might happen.
- This issue has generated a lot of irritability.
- I am worried about how this is going to turn out.