Counseling in Chicago with Bill Martin, LCSW

Archive for the 'Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages' Category

Dec 29 2008

Check out this site for tips on becoming a better listener

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Inspiration, Education & Personal Growth, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages

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May 27 2008

#3 of 17 Relationship evaluation scales: Are you handling issues and disagreements well or gridlocking?

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages, 17 Marital Adjustment Scales by John Gottman

If you are able to address and resolve conflict quickly, your relationship will likely grow and deepen. Your sex life will probably improve too, as unresolved anger can hurt your sexual intimacy.

Here are some questions for you to consider:

Are you aware of any basic differences between you and your partner?
Are you able to resolve these differences easily?
Do these basic differences seem unresolvable?
Do you live day to day with emotional hurts?
Are your positions getting entrenched?
Do you fear that you will never get what you hoped for in this relationship?
Are you worried that your differences and disagreements will damage your relationship?

Take time to explore these questions and identify any of the obstacles to making improvements.

Scales compliments of the Gottman Institute.

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Apr 15 2008

Why journaling is empowering for individuals and couples in therapy

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages, Journaling

Therapist sometimes have the grandiose idea it is good to encourage the client to become dependent. If the therapist is in private practice, this can be a lucrative idea. However, creating dependency can trap the client in old thoughts, feelings and behavior patterns and backfire on the therapist.

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Feb 27 2008

#2 of 17 Marital Evaluation scales….Are you handling job and other stresses effectively?

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages, 17 Marital Adjustment Scales by John Gottman

A marriage or any intimate relationship can be challenged by outside stress.

This Gottman scale helps you evaluate whether you and your spouse/partner are handling stress well or whether it is “spilling over” into your relationship in a negative way.

Answer the following questions:

Do you help each other reduce the daily stress of life?
Are you able to talk about this stress together?
Is it helpful to both of you when you talk about these stress?
Does your spouse/partner listen with understanding about your stress and worries?
Do you find that your spouse/partner takes their job or other stress out on you?
Does your spouse/partner take their job or other stress out on your children or others in your life?

So, what are you thinking about when you answer these questions.

Write down your thoughts and feelings in your journal.

Make notes of specific issues you want to talk about with your spouse.

Don’t put off having any conversation about these important issues.

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Feb 25 2008

#1 of 17 Marital Evaluation Scales…Are you staying emotionally connected or emotionally distant?

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages, 17 Marital Adjustment Scales by John Gottman

Remaining connected emotionally to each other is the most important part of healthy relationship.

You can have a lot of money, great job, everything else going for you, but if your relationship is cold and distant, you will not be very happy.

The first area of your relationship to evaluate deals with whether you are staying connected emotionally or becoming distant.
Here are some of John Gottman’s marital evaluation scales for you to use to evaluate yourself and your relationship:

Are you able to easily talk with each other?
Do stay emotionally in touch with each other?
Do you feel taken for granted?
Does your spouse/partner know you well right now?
Is your spouse/partner emotionally disengaged?
Are you spending time together?

What are you answers to these questions?

If you are too distant, what can you do to get closer?

Don’t wait for your partner to warm up. Think about what you might be doing to keep her/him distant and do the opposite!

Are you asking for what you need and want? Or does it sound like a blaming tirade of all your partner’s weaknesses?

If it’s the latter, don’t be surprized when you remain stuck in a bad cycle of conflict.

Take the risk, hear your partner’s complaints as a need for a hug, or their distance as their being burned out and needing some extra support.

This will help you be closer and stay there longer.

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Feb 08 2008

The beginning of couples therapy: Finding hope and learning to communicate better

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages

My job is to help couples find hope that things can get better and the skills to make it happen. I promise couples that I will not let them get into those escalating fights here in my office, but rather…

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Feb 08 2008

Tuning into your marriage…

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages

Feelings of intimacy are like resonating music for the heart and soul. Couples that are really able to connect with one another probably have a vibration that can be calibrated…you can feel this way again…

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Feb 08 2008

Euphoria fueled expectations…a common problem for Chicago marriages…

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, How the Brain influences our lives, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages

The chemistry that brings couples together, sex, partying, and idealistic views of the future do not last very long. I think this first stage of a relationship should be called “Euphoria.” So, dealing with the letdown of the euphoria fueled expectations is a crucial first step for couples wanting to make it long term.

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Jan 25 2008

Being far away from family helping you avoid serious problems?

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages, ACA/ACOA:Adult Children from Alcoholic Families

Geographic solutions…it seems like a good idea, but moving to avoid serious family problems does not work that well…
Continue Reading »

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Jan 20 2008

What happens in the beginning of couples therapy?

Published by Bill Martin, LCSW under Counseling & Psychotherapy, Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages

A lot happens in the very beginning of couples therapy. I ask questions about why the couple is consulting with me, explain how I typically work, and then get started with the problem solving process. Most couples want to start with improving the way they communicate…

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Exploring counseling & psychotherapy, what works, and the research that supports it.
Bill Martin, LCSW, 1300 West Belmont #309, Chicago, Il 60657, 312-409-0632

Archive for the 'Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages' Category

Check out this site for tips on becoming a better listener

#3 of 17 Relationship evaluation scales: Are you handling issues and disagreements well or gridlocking?

Why journaling is empowering for individuals and couples in therapy

#2 of 17 Marital Evaluation scales….Are you handling job and other stresses effectively?

#1 of 17 Marital Evaluation Scales…Are you staying emotionally connected or emotionally distant?

The beginning of couples therapy: Finding hope and learning to communicate better

Tuning into your marriage…

Euphoria fueled expectations…a common problem for Chicago marriages…

Being far away from family helping you avoid serious problems?

What happens in the beginning of couples therapy?

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Exploring counseling & psychotherapy, what works, and the research that supports it.Bill Martin, LCSW, 1300 West Belmont #309, Chicago, Il 60657, 312-409-0632

Archive for the 'Help for Chicago Relationships/Marriages' Category

Latest Posts

RSS Feeds

Search

Useful Links

Categories

Monthly

Useful Information

Exploring counseling & psychotherapy, what works, and the research that supports it.
Bill Martin, LCSW, 1300 West Belmont #309, Chicago, Il 60657, 312-409-0632