Counseling in Chicago with Bill Martin, LCSW

The reason is many adults who grew up in vulnerable alcoholic or abusive families did not get their needs for attunement, affection, positive regard, we could say…love met by these families.

As a result, these adults can spend their lifetime trying to replace that lost love by unhealthy attachments with other adults, and yes, even therapists.

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Cults…I talk a lot about the YFZ Ranch and the FLDS, but what are some of the characteristics of a cult?

• mind control…use of bizarre religious or secular ideas to enforce the obedience of followers
• emotional disclosure…participants are encouraged to disclose private, emotionally important information…while the leaders do not share emotional information with the larger group
• recruitment…participants are encouraged/expected to go out and recruit others to join the cult organization using deceptive and manipulative tactics
• restriction from all outside ideas and influences ( no radio, television, computer/internet, newspapers)
• Claims that the outside world is evil and will lead to the death or damnation of anyone who betrays the cult
• Participants are manipulated to believe that they can not survive without all the cult offers them
• leaders are a few men who directly benefit from the cult by abuse, manipulation, threat of harm, sexual control of women and intricate financial arrangements

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Sorry. I know there are a lot of you out there who believe that your infant and early childhood years should not be that significant. “That was then and now is now!” right?

Well, for all you disbelievers, read on…

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John Bowlby was the first clinician to identify the 3 stages of an infant’s or young child’s response to the separation and/or deprivation of a mother or other attachment figure.

Bowlby identified 3 stages in the infant/child response:

1. Protest…the initial crying out in distress when the attachment figure is not available to help soothe the infant/child’s distress or as it is commonly termed, “separation anxiety.”
2. Despair…the grief and mourning related to the deprivation of the mother or other attachment figure.
3. Defense…the reaction to the privation or deprivation of the mother or other attachment figure.

Bowlby postulated that these 3 stages were interconnected as a single process. An infant who has lost or been deprived of their mother or other attachment figure will experience all three responses.

This includes the final stage of “defense” where their listlessness, increased detachment and minimal attachment (crying, smiling, etc) behaviors signal that they have “given up” looking for their mothers.

Or maybe we could say the infants/young children have given up their interest in connecting, relating and establishing the type of passionate relationships associated with joy and love.

Not a good thing and predicts difficulties later in life as adults forming healthy relationships.

Ok, here is the connection. John Bowlby can be called the “father of modern attachment theory” and Ram Singh Munda can be called the “father of Rani , the sloth bear from India.”

Here is a picture of Rani and Ram. Apparantly, riding on the back of Ram’s bike is a favorite activity for Rani.

Well, there is more…
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Ram Singh Munda found an abandoned sloth bear cub in the forest near his home in India. Fearing the cub would die left alone, he brought the cub home as a pet and companion for his young daughter.

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