Jul 06 2011

Blaming: A Common Communication Mistake in Relationships

If you are blaming your partner, it’s time to find a new way of understanding and explaining your thoughts, feelings and wants.

Blaming damages relationships. It’s pretty simple.

I remember hearing a story about a couple who started therapy. After the first session, the therapist met with each partner individually to get a chance to hear each person’s story more fully.

When the therapist met with the husband, all he could do was complain his wife was the cause of all his problems.

She was “this and that and then some more.”

The therapist was accustomed to this process, so she gently asked the husband if he could hear how negative he was being towards his wife.

The husband looked at the therapist and saw a glimmer of the light.

How could his wife ever feel safe, comfortable, an intimate with him holding so many negative judgments and feelings toward her?

The path to better communication and happier relationships starts with each partner learning to accept personal responsibility and stop blaming the other.

There are many therapy exercises, like cognitive restructuring and the continuum exercise, that help partners take a deeper look at themselves, and begin the process of building happier and more intimate emotional and physical relationships.

It takes work, but it works, if you work it.

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