Archive for June, 2010

Jun 23 2010

Cognitive Restructuring

Cognitive restructuring is a therapy exercise that helps  you learn to think more clearly and realistically.

Unrealistic thoughts are often the cause of misunderstanding and conflict.

This exercise can be especially helpful if you and your spouse engage in escalating conflicts where you blame each other or feel intense feelings of being unloved.

The important concept is any intense feelings we experience have their origins both in the present and in the past. Feelings from the past are stored by the brain in complicated ways, not always easily understood by us in the heat of a conflict.
As I have said previously, our personal history matters. It would be too simplistic to assume otherwise.

Cognitive restructuring helps us create a map of our internal thought process and belief

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Jun 23 2010

Balancing Joy and Conflict in Marriage

Making marriage work these days is a complicated balancing act. It takes time to communicate, resolve conflict, raise children and manage the challenges of busy careers.

Marriage and family researcher, John Gottman, PhD and his research colleagues have had a huge influence on the course of marital and family therapy over the last twenty years.

I use many of the marital satisfaction surveys they have created. They are very helpful to couples trying to identify and work on their problems.

His research has compiled huge amounts of data and increased our understanding of what helps and what hurts marriages.

Rather than try to research a specific therapy method or style of marriage or family life, Gottman studied many marriages and families over several decades. He was able to begin to see what really worked for couples and their families.

The results of their research is found in Why marriages succeed or fail…and how you can

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Jun 19 2010

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