Archive for March, 2010

Mar 13 2010

HIV Infection and Affairs: Not Really About Sex

Infidelity and HIV infection are two issues (among many) where a deeper look reveals tremendous suffering and pain, often through many generations.

Regarding the possibilities of being infected with HIV, the research
has always shown it is difficult to become infected. However, the
research also has identified the risk factors, including more than 4-5
sex partners, sex with HIV+ partners, sex with sex workers, sex with
intravenous drug users, not using condoms for anal, vaginal and oral
sex, rape, sexual abuse, lack of access to medical care, and, of
course, being poor, a person of color, or living in a part of the world
(where nobody cares about because there is no oil) like sub-Sahara

What rage is an adult male acting out when he not only rapes or sexually abuses a teenager and also infects them with HIV?

When you think of the statistics like 1 in 5,000, the most important
number is 1. I have worked with about 200 adults living with HIV.

Not all of them took 5,000 sex experiences to get infected. In fact, two
became infected very quickly in relationships where they believed their
partner was not infected.

Murder and HIV infection have only one thing in common…both are preventable. I might argue that HIV infection is more preventable of the two. I don’t have time to look at the statistics, but given the tens of millions who have been infected with HIV and died, I would have to guess HIV is a greater cause of death than murder.

Again, I am guessing that we spend a lot more to prevent (then investigate and adjudicate) murder than on preventing HIV.

All those impoverished teenagers who are infected with HIV through rape and sexual abuse will really have to wait for any help. The world governments cares little about them. They will really have to pray that more oil is found in that area for it to be the focus of any beneficial international action.

On second thought, forget the idea of oil. If oil is found, Dick Cheney might organize a mercenary group and invade. Karl Rove could later write a book saying how “proud” he was of Cheney’s mercenaries going in and preserving that oil wealth for chubby white men.

The issue of affairs are also so much more complex than someone wanting “more sex.” I don’t have time to get into it, by my clinical experience and all I have read indicate sexual boundaries either promote feelings of safety and trust or fear and insecurity. How people define their sexual boundaries is up to them, but I have never read any research that said an open relationship or existence of affairs in a relationship was beneficial or did no harm.

The most recent celebrity sex story only confirms this. This person is not happy, and the insinuation that what he was doing was normal in any way or that his wife “had to know what was going on” ignores the deeper issues which would likely be the discussions of a very rich and meaningful therapy relationship.

I would only be guessing here, but I would think that therapy would definitely deal with the pressures placed on this celebrity to succeed, pleasing his father, then ultimately feeling betrayed by his own father’s betrayal of his mother and himself.

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