Nov 11 2008

Victories of the Heart: Update

I continue to have thoughts, feelings and ideas related to Victories, previously Victories of the Heart, and the Men’s Room. I write a lot about this organization and the people involved.

Victories is one of the organizations/people who threatened to file a lawsuit if I did or didn’t do such and such.

I lived in fear for several years after attempts to resolve a serious grievance against a principal and the two oldest leader teams for deviations from the 2004 Strategic Plan.

Only I can know what it was like to remember the subservience required to get along with senior leaders. It seemed appropriate in the ways we all idealized them. They were perfect and we all wished to be like them.

I knew it was wrong to have two leaders I thought I loved pressure me to smoke pot and kill a pet white rat (from a pet store in Evanston) one Thursday night before an important weekend program beginning the next day. Didn’t they understand what a significant violation of the law and ethics they were contemplating? They told me I convinced them ( I told them if they insisted, I would leave the weekend and inform the board) not to follow-through. I wonder now, 23 years later, did they really not do so?

My relationship with the therapist I had been referred, Buddy Portugal, was much less complicated over the years. I understood he had problems reading (sometimes staying awake during our sessions) and had fewer expectations of him. He seemed to understand the process of engaging well, and helping to desensitize his clients from developing dual relationships.

It wasn’t long before I was invited to his house for his 50th birthday along with other men I recognized from around Portugal’s weekends. He seemed to be making an effort to re-parent me to correct my faulty childhood experiences. At some point in the evening, he asked me to follow him to his alley behind his garage. He took a basketball and encouraged me to shoot baskets. I did so and knew clearly how to help Portugal feel good about himself. This was my real role in my family. A transparent attempt to correct my childhood experiences led him to recreate them instead.

It’s really April, 2017, but I choose to embed these posts deep within my blogsite.

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